"I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know were it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone
I walk alone I walk alone
I walk alone and I walk a-

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Till then I'll walk alone

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line of the edge
And where I walk alone
Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
And I walk alone
I walk alone I walk alone
I walk alone and I walk a-

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Till then I'll walk alone

I walk alone and I walk a-

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of broken dreams
Were the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a-

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Till then I'll walk alone"

~ Greenday Boulevard of Broken Dreams

  posted by @ 7/11/2005 05:10:00 PM

 
i guess i just need to ramble. i am so frustraited with things at the moment. i am trying to deal with it, but just about the time i deal with one issue another one rears its ugly head. i am so tired of listening to my siblings complain about how horrid their lives are and how they have to suffer through everything. the fact of the matter is, they both have jobs (which they knew came wih bull shit attatched) and they have so much freedom its disgusting. i am sick of them whining about how they are oppressed and its not fair. i want to scream! but oh no, i can't say anything. the minute i do is when the shit really hits the fan. maybe i am being melodramatic, but i can't complain about anything. i am apparently unjustified in everything that is bothering me. all my saying anything does is cause a huge argument with my parents.

i really thought that by 25 i would have things better figured out. all that i seem to have figured out is that i am miserable at the moment with NO ONE to talk to about it. i know there are people who read this that are saying "talk to me" but understand that for whatever reason, i cant do that. dont push the issue, just know that there is some reason that i cannot talk to you about whatever it is that is bothering me.

you know how they have those package deals for vacations? do they sell new lives? cuz i certainly want one...

  posted by @ 7/11/2005 04:38:00 PM

 
have you ever had oneof those days where everything seems to happen at once? today was one of those days. that doesnt change it,and it doesn't fix it, but it just is.

i have a bit of insomnia at the moment. i know what brought it on, but i don't know how to get rid of it. this is one of those moments in life that i really need to find something to push myself through. i just dont know how to do it. i've gotten to the point in my life that i know what i want... i just dont know how to make it happen. i got asked this really unfair question earlier tonight. and im not sure exactly how to answer it, what do you think about this?

what do you want from life?

i suppose that to answer that question i have to take a serious look at my life. this is what i have done in the last few hours. i want so much from life. i want to make a difference, i want to be an important someone, i want to get married and have a family, i want to be happy. im just not sure how to achieve this. i like to think that i have it all figured out. but in reality i havent got a fucking clue. i dont know how to explain what it is i want out of life to someone else. you could take a snapshot and make a collage of what i want, and thats how i see it in my head. but that doesnt mean that it is actually going to happen or that it is realistic by any means. its simply a snapshot of what i want.

somewhere along the way i thought that it was a good idea to go dress shopping with my sister and my mom. let's just say that it was one of the worst ideas that i have ever had. i definitely do not want anyone going with me when i try on dresses the first time. it was such a miserable experience. it kind of made me think about how my life seems to work, how no matter how hard i try, or how much i work, things fall apart. i love my sister, i really do, but she has gotten to do everything that i wanted to do and was not allowed to do. i know life is not fair, but this is getting rediculous.

i guess the reality of what my life is and what i would like it to be are in such contrast that im not happy with it. there is the potential there to be happy, or at least for a while, but i dont know if it is something that can be achieved. i guess its one of those things that will figure itself out in time.

PS... I REALLY REALLY dont want to talk about this.

  posted by @ 7/01/2005 11:33:00 PM

 
ok so i really hate incompetent, stupid people. i suppose that i should be patient and understanding, but when it looks like it may cost me my job, thats where i draw the line. i have been trying to get everything straitened out for my credential, but its proving to be more difficult that i could have imagined. im so annoyed. everytime i think i get stuff worked out, there is another hitch in the plan. after this past week, i swear i am going to kill someone! my file has been sitting on someone's desk for the last three weeks, waiting to bereviewed for admission. without admission, i can't take the class that i need in order to prove that i have made progress toward my credential, and hence, keeping my job. hopefully everything will be figured out by the end of the afternoon, but if its not, then i am going to drive to bakersfield tomorrow and make it all get worked out.

so you want to know why my file has been sitting on someone's desk waiting for review for admission? because they are awarding degrees and that takes precedence. which means the question of the day would be: What is the office of admissions doing awarding the degress?

Someone tell me please? i am so confused!

  posted by @ 6/28/2005 12:49:00 PM

 
Are we having fun yet? My life sucks ass. Can someone please rescue me from my living hell?

  posted by @ 6/25/2005 11:11:00 AM

 
So i have a new favorite song. its not really new, or that great, but its a great song none the less. its one of those things that just reaches out and grabs me. im not quite sure why, but i guess somewhere deep down this is a lot of how i feel.

"Breakaway"
Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)
Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray (I would pray)
I could breakaway
[Chorus:]
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway
[Chorus]
Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway
I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway,
breakaway,
breakaway ~ Kelly Clarkson

  posted by @ 6/04/2005 11:36:00 PM

 
So my sister and I decided this weekend that we are movie junkies. She got this email from someone on her MySpace and I liked it, so I am going to post it here. This is the current version. We however, have decided that the list is incomplete and are going to add movies this next week to the list. I will also post that version once it is updated and you can see what my siblings and I decided were must-have additions. We are also going to adjust the number of movies required to qualify. We feel the longer the list, the more should be required. We think it should be somewhere between 60-70% of the movies on the list. While we work out the details, here you go. I figure in the mean time, this should give you an idea of why I was so entertained!


I have seen 100 of these movies.

ARE YOU A MOVIE WHORE??? place an "X" on the movies that you have already seen. If you put an X on 70 or more, then you're a CINEMA WHORE!! Post your score as part of the subject....also add a movie.

() Napoleon Dynamite
() Saw
() White Noise
() White Oleander
(X) Anger Management
() 50 First Dates
() Jason X
(X) Scream
(X) Scream 2
() Scream 3
(X) Scary Movie
(X) Scary Movie 2
() Scary Movie 3
(X) American Pie
(X) American Pie 2
(X) American Wedding
(X) Harry Potter
(X) Harry Potter 2
(X) Harry Potter 3
() Resident Evil I
() Resident Evil 2
(X) The Wedding Singer
() Little Black Book
() The Village
() Donnie Darko
(X) Lilo & Stitch
(X) Finding Nemo
() Finding Neverland
() 13 Ghosts
() Signs
(X) The Grinch
(X) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
() White Chicks
() Butterfly Effect
() 13 Going on 30
() I Robot
(X) Dodge Ball
() Universal Soldier
() A Series Of Unfortunate Events
() Along Came A Spider
(X) Deep Impact
(X) KingPin
(X) Never Been Kissed
(X) Meet The Parents
() Meet The Fockers
() Eight Crazy Nights
(X) A Cinderella Story
(x) The Terminal
(X) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
() Passport to Paris
(X) Dumb & Dumber
() Dumb & Dumberer
(X) Final Destination
() Final Destination 2
() Halloween
() The Ring
() The Ring 2
() Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
(X) Practical Magic
(X) Chicago
(X) Ghost Ship
(X) From Hell
(X) Hellboy
() Secret Window
() I Am Sam
(X) The Whole Nine Yards
(X) The Whole Ten Yards
() The Day After Tomorrow
() Child's Play
() Bride of Chucky
(X) Ten Things I Hate About You
() Just Married
() Gothika
() A Nightmare on Elm Street
(X) Sixteen Candles
() Bad Boys 2
() Joy Ride
(X) Seven (SE7EN)
(X) Oceans Eleven
(X) Oceans Twelve
() Identity
() Lone Star
(X) Bedazzled
(X) Predator I
() Predator II
(X) Independence Day
() Cujo
() A Bronx Tale
() Darkness Falls
() Christine
(X) ET
(X) Children of the Corn
() My Boss' Daughter
(X) Maid in Manhattan
() Frailty
() Best Bet
() How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(X) She's All That
() Calendar Girls
() Sideways
(X) Mars Attacks
(X) Event Horizon
(X) Ever After
(X) Forrest Gump
(X) Big Trouble in Little China
(X) X-Men 1
(X) X-Men 2
() Jeepers Creepers
() Jeepers Creepers 2
(X) Catch Me If You Can
(X) The Others
(X) Freaky Friday
(X) Reign of Fire
(X) Cruel Intentions
() The Hot Chick
() Swimfan
(X) Miracle
(X) Old School
() Ray
() The Notebook
() K-Pax
(X) Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
(X) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
(X) Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
(X) A Walk to Remember
() Boogeyman
() Hitch
() Back Door Sluts 9
(X) The Fifth Element
(X) Star Wars Episode I
(X) Star Wars Episode II
(X) Star Wars Episode IV
(X) Star Wars Episode V
(X) Star Wars Episode VI
(X) Troop Beverly Hills
() Swimming with Sharks
() Trainspotting
() The Patriot
() People Under the Stairs
() Blue Velvet
(X) Sound of Music
(X) Parent Trap
() The Burbs
() SLC Punk
() Meet Joe Black
(X) Wild girls
(X) A Clockwork Orange
() The Order
(X) Spiderman
(X) Spiderman 2
() Amelie
(X) Mean Girls
(X) Shrek
(X) Shrek 2
(X) The Incredibles
(X) Collateral
(X) The Fast & The Furious
(X) 2 Fast 2 Furious
() Sky Captain & The World of Tomorrow
() Closer
(X) The Sixth Sense
(X) Artificial Intelligence
(X) Love Actually
() Shutter
() Ella Enchanted
(X) Princess Diaries 1
(X) Princess Diaries 2
() Constantine
() Million Dollar Baby
() Envy
(X) Eurotrip
() Malibu's Most Wanted
(X) Big Daddy
() Black Sheep
(X) The Breakfast Club
(X) American Beauty
() Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
() The Big Kahuna
(X) Dude, Where's My Car?
(X) Dirty Dancing
() Garden State
(X) Fast Times at Ridgemont High
(X) Down With Love
(X) Miss Congeniality
(X) A Goofy Movie!!
() Paper Clips
(X) Southpark Bigger Longer and Uncut
(X) Super Troopers
() League of Extrodinary Gentlemen

  posted by @ 5/16/2005 02:00:00 PM

 
The joys of life... Have you ever had one of those days where everything seems to constantly fall apart on you, nothing seems to go how it should and no matter what you try and do, its just a frustraighting mess? Well... that seems to be my life... all the time... every day.

I am beginning to come to the conclusion that i cannot teach forever, i really can't do it. we have 36 days left of school and i am counting them down. i know that i have been a huge flake, and no one has really heard from me at all. unfortunately, this trend is likely to continue indefinately. we'll see how it works out. maybe i will get some time to write more but for now, i have to go police my freshmen because they cannot seem to understand how to be quiet for a test...

  posted by @ 4/28/2005 08:10:00 AM